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17-11-2013

Немного юмора: смешные истории про беременность и роды

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(4 голосов)

smile-coverВы пребываете в ожидании чуда? Скоро настанет самый счастливый день в вашей жизни - день, когда вы увидите своего малыша. Каждая женщина с нетерпением ждет этого момента, но, кроме ожидания счастья, зачастую присутствует естественный страх предстоящих родов. Предлагаем вам отбросить в сторону все негативные мысли и от души посмеяться над рассказами женщин, которые уже через это прошли.

Со слов акушерки:
Показываю только родившегося мальчишку его маме и, как обычно, спрашиваю: "Мамочка, смотрите, а кто у вас родился?". Она молчит. Снова повторяю вопрос, но мама так и не реагирует. Я уже забеспокоилась, все ли с ней в порядке. И тут она медленно и очень задумчиво говорит: "Да... Ничего себе Леночка...".

Второй месяц беременности. Иду вся такая красивая на каблучках по улице, и тут меня начинает мучить токсикоз. Дом уже недалеко, и я мечтаю добежать до туалета, поскольку не хотела, чтобы меня вырвало прямо посреди дороги. Вдруг слышу голос за спиной: "Девушка, куда Вы спешите? Я хочу с Вами познакомиться!". Собрав последние силы, иду дальше, не оборачиваясь. "Ну девушка, хоть обернитесь!". Это продолжалось некоторое время. Я, не выдержав, оборачиваюсь. Но, видимо, поворот на каблуках был лишним, и я склонилась над газоном. Вытерев рот рукой, я замученная смотрю на мерзавца: "Ну?". А он: "О... Девушка, я что настолько плохо выгляжу?".

Когда я ждала второго сынишку, старший слышал, что муж надо мной все время шутил: "Кушай поменьше, а то лопнешь!". Однажды утром сын проснулся, и ему говорят, что меня в больницу забрали. Он, испугавшись, спрашивает: "Неужели лопнула?!".

На восьмом месяце беременности я прогуливалась с подругой. Она тогда переживала, что, возможно, тоже ждет малыша. Проходя мимо аптеки, я говорю: "Купи тест на беременность, и сразу все узнаешь". Она отвечает: "Я стесняюсь, сходи ты". Ну, я и пошла в аптеку. Даю аптекарю деньги и прошу тест на беременность. Та в шоке: "А вы все еще сомневаетесь?!".

Пришел ко мне анестезиолог. Одет в голубой костюм, с маской на лице. Поставил капельницу с наркозом и сказал: «Мы немного с тобой поговорим, и ты заснешь». Я смотрю на него, а у него глаза голубые-голубые, почти как небо. И я томным голосом у него спрашиваю: "А сегодня вечером Вы что делаете?". И заснула.

На первом УЗИ мне сказали: «Плод один, сердцебиение нормальное». Через две недели мне нужно было сделать повторное УЗИ. На нем мне сообщили: «У Вас двойня». Когда я пошла на третье УЗИ, услышала: «Три полностью здоровых плода, развиваются хорошо...». На четвертое УЗИ муж меня не пустил...

Мои вторые роды. Схватки усиливались, а муж до сих пор не приехал. На светофоре остановился таксист и согласился довезти меня до больницы. В это время подъехал муж. Я поблагодарила таксиста, пересела к супругу, и мы поехали. И тут меня накрыло - я уперлась в крышу и сильно заорала. Мой муж после первых родов совсем не хотел присутствовать на вторых. Он не ехал, а летел. Спустя 1 км я уже понимала, что мы не успеем, ведь я уже рожаю. Муж кричал: "Чуть-чуть подожди!". Но терпеть я не могла. Мы уже подъехали к больнице. Муж выскочил и заорал курившим у дверей, чтобы срочно позвали врача. Я сказала мужу: "Лови, как только я скажу". Он был в ужасе, но подставил руки и на следующей схватке малыш родился. Меня переложили на каталку и отвезли в послеродовую. Муж поехал домой переодеваться. Из-за отсутствия парковки возле дома он стал на соседней улочке. Идет, а все люди на него оглядываются. Пришел домой, посмотрел на себя в зеркало - и понял, из-за чего. Идет здоровый мужик (более 100кг), без футболки (ребенка заворачивали), лицо и руки в крови. Я бы тоже обернулась. Следующие 3 дня муж с мамой машину драили. Тут я всегда думаю про таксиста – как же ему повезло!

Вот такие случаются курьезы. Наверняка у вас тоже останутся приятные и веселые воспоминания о беременности и родах, которыми вы сможете поделиться, от души посмеявшись. Хорошего вам настроения!

Подготовила: Анна Нестеренко

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